Friday, July 25, 2008

the dark knight

i enjoyed watching the latest batman film.
i saw the $400,000.00 Lamborghini crash with my own eyes.
(during principle photography when i lived in chicago last year)
we were on the rooftop deck at eachicago when they filmed it.
my friend seth took the photo sequence below

these next few images i took from a pirated version of the film.
its amazing how this stuff gets on the internet; the film only came out a week ago.
the sequence above was taken from the spot i have circled below.
we were all up there watching.
so basically, im a blown out pixel in the movie.
my friend scott was in the movie, see here he is.
here is my friend tim's blog post from that day last year:
tim's blog - idle blather - batman!

bird bind test

heres an old playblast from maya.
i had just rigged and skinned a model i created..
..unrendered and strait from the viewport.
this file was a skin weight and bind test to judge usability of my rig.
i quickly layed down some simple animation keyframes..
..using the animation rig and controls that i designed myself.

the .AVI file properties follow:
Monday, August 02, 2004, 9:22:27 PM

too bad i never did anything with that 3D model.
i created it with my bare hands first, in art class.
it even had a bent-wire armature for structural integrity.
before that, i thought it up in my head, and sketched it.
the idea started as a bird strapped to a rocket.
then it eventually became engulfed in flames.
later.. became the great phoenix it was.
i guess i used to be creative and full of ideas.. own ideas.

but now, i just toil away for a multi-billion earning company.
i dont know how much more of it i can do.
wasting myself for someone else.

this life affords me the opportunity to live in a great place.
i can pay for my leisures and i can fulfill my greedy material desires.
its nothing to spend hundreds of dollars on booze each week.
but what about what i am capable of?
i have become stagnant and uninspired.

the suits that work below me in the downtown hi-rise..
..dont know what to think about my toucan shirt.. red/green/orange/yellow kicks.. star spangled bandana.. checkered belt..

to be honest, i dont know what to think of myself.
mostly, i dont think.
i just do.

i cant see the future.
i used to be scared of that.
or maybe just in awe.. ..of not knowing.

but when i was a kid, i knew something would happen with me.
i didnt worry about what it was, i just knew it would happen.
i quit knowing what would happen when i moved to florida.
i lost the insight i used to have on my own life.

i dont remember things from last week.
i dont remember my birthday this year.
i dont even remember how love felt.

apparently, i live in the moment.
at the moment, i am alone.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

hopelessness makes it easier

because i have nothing to hold on to.
no way to change things; nothing to expect.
hope is hard on a man.

i did the worst thing.
all i wanted was to visit, to see her, to laugh and smile together again.
she didnt know it, but she was my best friend.

the only possible way for me to see her was with a reason.
she needed a good reason to see me, i needed one to see her.

so i gave her everything back.
i gave her things i wish i had kept.
a friend wouldnt have minded taking care of another friends things.

everywhere i go, i see her.
i couldnt go from lover to friend overnight.
i couldnt do it over two weeks.
and those things at my place, they were my lovers.
she showed me this place, she was central to my life here.

on the way to give her everything, i realized i was making a mistake.
out of my undeniable need to say hello..
..was born a new precedent without the possibility of any more hellos.

for how long can we not say hello, can we not say anything?
its not worth guessing.
because that would be hope.

and, i, am hopeless.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

p.s. fireworks

and i watched the first of a few fireworks displays in english bay.
i drank a can of canadian and smoked a joint.
but i really wished i was with felicity.
the explosive force and power conveyed by the show was truly awesome.
my realization of the 3d nature and uniquely wasteful and inspiring use of explosive technology impressed and depressed me about the race we are all running.
there were unique and beautiful patterns, behaviours and colours.
the density and scale of the finale was thicker and larger than any display i had seen before.
i am excited for the next show, but i can't say why.

compositor/3d artist

i found a bunch of scanned stuff from my florida notebooks.
click these images to make them bigger.

here are some notes from July 2004 - what i aimed to do with my demo reel.

here is a sketch from october of 2004.
i graduated in february of 2005 and moved to chicago for ea in august.

i dont even draw stupid stuff like this anymore.
its so hard to keep up with life - you can only live through one set of decisions.
i skipped out on my figure drawing class yesterday 5:30-7:30 to make a big mistake.
and i haven't pushed the barrier at work - i cant bear staying late.
its hard to concentrate.
unbearable weight.


some things must be done alone

Sunday, July 20, 2008

tide always goes out if you want it to come in

more of the same - you know what you get from me by now

nothing ever changes

weekend summer beach party

my mom and sister came to TOWN.
i hope i didnt bring them DOWN.

i didnt mean to try not to..
..but i had fun while they were aROUND.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

how many people

i wonder how many people wake up each morning.
and think:


not many, i bet.


im going to pretend everytime i give someone the bird ^
i am actually giving them chelsea clinton.
because, damn, that would be the real goddamned deal, then, wouldnt it.
in fact, i wish my middle finger was a white parakeet.
look at him in chicago.
not even IN the cage.

good day, sir!


theres only so much beer and whiskey.. ..theres gotta be a better way.
hey look, heres toad in my first jeep.
my dad bought it new in '82.
i found him somewhere that doesn't exist.
but theyre both still around.
neither one runs!
what a coincidence!
one needs a new starter.
the other one makes me feel awful, but i keep him around.
the spectrum of human emotion is amazing.
and should be felt in totality.
good thing im good at justification.

p.s. my dad's new truck is rad too.
even though i only got to drive it from the garage to the backyard.

Monday, July 14, 2008


i have always wanted one..
..they are the perfect blend between my first two trucks:
half fullsize cherokee laredo | half dodge macho power wagon

i saw this one headed to deadwood.
good thing my dad had to piss and we pulled over..
..i saw it in a field not far off and immediately bolted outta the truck.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Saturday, July 5, 2008


jess and i took a ride yesterday
we did a nice timed action shot out of the driveway, huh

the right to bear arms

what do i miss most about america?

i fired my 30-06 to start the morning off right.
no photos were obtained in my haste.
its my elk hunting rifle, a gift from my dad, it was his first elk rifle.
i didnt waste any time setting up a target.
i just blasted some rounds into the hill above the meadow.
these were about 120 meter shots from the garage over the meadow.
- mid range for rifles
- long range for a handgun

check out my dad's limited edition Wild Bill Hickock single shot 30-30:

yeah, H&H .375 custom, yeah!
its a hi-power rifle used for elk hunting in the wilderness.
more capable than a 30-06 if you run into a grizzly.

my father's .454 Casull.
the Casull is a side-arm used to fend off lions on safari.
good enough to take down the griz as well.
firing this handgun makes you a man.
it separates the men from the boys, anyhow.
its hand made in wyoming
Freedom Arms

i left the rest of my father's other pistols in the gun safe, though.
dad has a .38 special, a .45 magnum, and a few deringers.
Henry Deringer

story wyoming

last night the story fire department lit some fireworks, as they always do on the 4th of july, in the public park.
my father and sister and i were playing scrabble outside as darkness approached.
every now and then, a gust of warm air would wash over us.
i had wanted to go to the park alone to watch the display.
in the end, my sister came along on the back of my atv.
i loved the smell of the burnt fireworks.
i layed on my back in the grass.
she sat on a swing.

true patriot love, la-la la-la-la.

today, i am going to mix some cement and secure the deck foundation.
the support beams are fixed to the ground along a rock wall.
this rock wall borders North Piney Creek; thus our deck is directly over the water.
the snow melt and subsequent high water run off this spring season took its toll.
sections of the rockwall have been completely destroyed.
the river also bore its way underneath the wall in several places.
i look forward to doing some labor in this regard.

maybe ill get some spurs at kings rope and saddlery in sheridan.