FUGITIVE CAPTURED!

Early reports this morning have indicated that 'DUCKY' has been brought to justice in what some are calling a temporary disappearance, and others, an escape attempt gone wrong.

Ducky Behind Bars

Apparently, an unidentified individual did not go through his clean laundry from Sunday until today. DUCKY's jailer seems confident; when asked for a statement on restraining this highly motivated escapee, he responded, 'this ain't gone be no lucky ducky.' We may rest with confidence in the maximum security which DUCKY's new imprisonment represents. Scarily, the jailer is scheduled for an off-site beauty appointment (read: haircut) sometime this afternoon. We can only hope that DUCKY remains imprisoned unattended. Given the ghoulish appearance of the jailer in the below photograph from this morning, things should go well for him at the salon.